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Disposable Habits

Disposable Habits

I have spent a large portion of my life hearing from others that I am missing a standard human component: a hobby. Internally, I do not feel like I was missing anything.

But when people ask what I do for fun, I usually have no real answer. I have tried many things to fit this expectation. I have learned to play the Guitar. I have learned how to swim. I have read books and played video games. I have tried listening to music and taking a walk. But in almost every case, I eventually stopped.

The Pressure to Achieve

We live in a world that treats everything like a competition. This is what some philosophers call an "Achievement Society". In this kind of world, even your free time is supposed to be productive.

People often assume that we must have "fun" in a specific, visible way. There is a social expectation that a hobby should be a part of your identity, largely because society often views a lack of hobbies as a lack of interests in the world.

The Problem with Extremism

My main struggle comes from the fact that I am an extremist by nature.

I cannot casually play the guitar for ten minutes a day just to relax. If I am interested in something, I want to be entirely consumed by it. But maintaining that level of effort requires a massive amount of internal motivation.

I cannot keep doing a habit because it is a "good thing to do". If the internal spark vanishes, the activity immediately feels like a heavy weight. My extremism makes it impossible to carry that weight for long.

The Meaning of crabwire

This is also where my digital pseudonym, crabwire, comes from. It is tied to a specific behaviour in nature.

When certain crabs are in extreme danger, they have a unique ability to voluntarily snap off their own claws to escape. This is not an easy choice. It takes a long time for the claw to grow back. But crab does it because losing a leg is better than losing life.

I think my thought process works in a similar manner. When I get involved in a project or a hobby, my extremism eventually leads to a burnout. The struggle of trying to keep up with the world becomes too high. In those moments, I am like the trapped crab.

I drop the hobby. I stop the project. I go silent. It is a total reset, even if it means leaving a piece of my history behind.

The Idea of Disposable Habits

This is why I call my interests disposable habits. I used those activities for as long as they helped me understand myself or the world. Once they stopped serving that purpose and started becoming a source of external pressure, I let them go. I am okay with the fact that I have forgotten how to play certain songs.

For someone like me - an introvert - the ability to quit is just as important as the ability to start. I am not looking for a well-rounded life filled with consistent habits. I am just looking for the freedom to drop whatever is no longer true to my inner self.

TLDR; I do not have a collection of hobbies; I have a collection of experiences that I used and then threw away to stay light.